On Learning As You Go

Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered.

It's no secret to my friends and family that I've been "boy crazy" since I was a little girl.  I seriously had a new crush every school year from first grade through senior year of high school, and I can honestly still name every single one of them.  What can I say?  It gave me something to look forward to daily and kept school interesting.  My first real boyfriend, meaning there was a mutual interest, not just me obsessing over a guy and him not even being aware of my existence, was in ninth grade.  He was a sweet skateboarding musician who wrote a song for me and gave me heart-shaped Altoids.  Not sure why, but I got a little freaked out that a boy actually LIKED me back, and I didn't quite know how to handle it so I broke it off and shattered his little heart to pieces, I'm sure.  He's happily married now, so I don't feel too guilty.  The next boyfriend (tenth grade) was a bit of an eccentric, but that's why I liked him.  We met in orchestra (so romantic, I know) and stayed together for about six months before I did something unbelievably silly and got myself grounded for the whole summer.  So I was grounded, he was out of state visiting his dad and it just fell apart.  Junior year, I tried the whole "we make great friends, maybe we could be more" thing with one of my good guy friends, but that was just a mistake from the start because I never really liked him that way.  He was a fun date to the homecoming dance and treated me really well.  He's one of the few my parents and Nana actually liked so of course they asked about him for years to follow and constantly questioned why I broke his heart.  He's in a serious, committed relationship now with a girl he met in college, so I don't feel too guilty about that now either.  Although, it did take him a few years to accept my Facebook friend request.  Senior year brought about my first REAL relationship.  The first guy I feel like I truly loved.  However, looking back on that relationship I can hardly remember any happy times out of the entire two-year roller coaster.  I just remember way too much insecurity and too many tears.  After I got out of that mess, I grew much more independent, open and honest with myself.  I knew I couldn't handle another relationship like that, I felt like I had broken out of a cage, and there was no way I was going back to a similar situation.  During the next year, while I was in college, I went on a few dates, allowing myself a little more control so I wouldn't feel trapped and dependent like before.  I kept things very casual.  I wasn't out looking for another heavy, serious relationship, but if it happened, I was ready to let someone in again if it felt right.  Sure enough, I met and got to know Jason.  He is my best friend, my other half and all the things in between.  After all of that silliness and drama, I realized - THIS is what it's supposed to be like.  This is love.  I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but at some point, everything just came together and clicked.  

Throughout everything - the ups, the downs, the flowers, the heartbreak - I never really regretted anything.  Even the negative relationship at the end of high school and beginning of college was an important learning experience for me.  Relationships are a crucial part of who you are.  They force you to look places and consider things you never thought you would, but, in the end, it's all worth it because you find yourself.  You learn so much about yourself and how you feel about other people, what you want out of relationship, how you want to be treated and how you should treat the other person.  There is no time or place for regret.  Every little mistake is just a piece of the puzzle that comes together at a time when you least expect it to.  Just keep making mistakes.  I promise you, it's the only way to one day make sense of this crazy little thing called love.  Sorry for the mushiness, but it had to be done.

xoxo